HI! I'm Marissa from Malaysia, 19 and short. I guess you can say I'm your average, lazy ass, stay at home punk. Well I'm not like regular people, I'm pretty quirky.

I like a lot of weird stuff and extreme things, therefore most people think I'm sick or need to be sent to some traditional Catholic boarding school (no offense) to get straightened out to be like an actual lady. I can tell you I'm definitely very un-lady like, but Do I Look Like I Freaking Care?! I like being rough and not so dainty or girly-girl. In fact I hate that the most. I really like myself this way. Sometimes the world needs tough girls too. Yes you can say I'm more or less a Tomboy and transsexual. I do envy men, they have it so easy.

I love both men and women. Actually I couldn't care less if they were shemale or whatever names society calls them. Gender is not an issue for me. Although I do admit I do love women so deeply, I love to make them feel beautiful and I love it when they look so elegant and graceful like one of Valentino's mesmerizing gowns. I love when a woman's body is so curvaceous, soft, smooth. I guess that's why I love nude art, make up and fashion for women. I just caught at awe at how it enhances their beauty. But most importantly it's always the beauty within than inspires me and grasp my heart. That said, I also do find some men beautiful too.

I admit I am very morbid and dark. I love goth art and I'm obsessed with art that is bloody and has anything to do with death, sorrow, grief, you get the picture. I think tattoo art is beautiful and wonderful. Love Kat Von D. I'm also obsessed with the flapper era - the music, the style, the make up and most of all Burlesque! I think the best example of Burlesque today is Ditta von Tesse, adore her. Besides that I really, really, really, REALLY LOVE unnatural and bright hair colour, normal natural highlights are nice too, but I just love Special Effects hair colour and no, I'm not trying to get attention sheesh! Oh yes, no I'm not a poser Emo! I was emo before it became popular and it wasn't because I was setting a trend or trying to follow others. I had depression and it cultivated my emo lifestyle and dressing. I know most of my closes people would detest my ways. Sad to say I have a gap or wall between them because I don't want them to know more about me because they're are already hurting me unknowingly. They are great people, and they have been there for me in dark and happy times. Still, it's safer this way. I'll keep this side of me to people that like the same thing too.

Next, music. I love music, who doesn't? From young I was raised with classics and oldies like Bee Gies, Abba and the Beatles. Slowly developed and as a child I loved pop music and so on and yes I was a huge MJ fan (R.I.P.) that I listened to his songs all the time and watched his videos and movies. Every time they played his songs on radio, I would and still get all excited! I think I have a wide range of variety of favourite genres in music. As years gone by I love styles like country, jazz, blues, r&b, punk rock, pop punk, grunge, garage, soul, hard rock, rock alternative, hip-hop and the list just goes on. I've tried to be a hip-hop gangster wannabe once in my life time. I spoke all the slang and used street speak. Okay, okay, I still love to use the slang and street speak and occasionally try to be gangsta. At the same time I love my dad for all the classic old-school rock that he has jammed into my genes. Deep Purple, Aerosmith, Guns & Roses woo hooo!!!!! *does the rock out sign and sticks tongue out* I even love korean pop and hip-hop and japanses visual kei rock music and fashion. So yes, I'm an unusual mixture.

I do love the arts a lot. Unfortunately I'm not talented in arts but I am a great art appreciator I would say. From drama, photography, graphic art, water colour art, fashion, make up, jewelery to food, furniture and housing. If only I could get a degree on Art Voyeurism!!! I love beautiful things and even nature, like lavender fields and waterfalls, all those wonder places that you see on the travel channel. Places I can only dream of and experiencing, places I can only dream of living in and food I can only dream of tasting!!! Yeah, I concluded that I'm a jealous, greedy bitch! But I just can't help myself from all these beauty and sensations. I bet everyone in the world would like a chance to witness something majestic and do some extreme recreational sports while they're at it, like in the movie the "Bucket List".

Well I know I crapped a hell load of junk here, I really appreciate it if you actually took the trouble to read it. I am pretty complicated and stubborn (genetics), but honestly I'm still searching for "myself" and my purpose. I still don't know what to do with myself and you know I can just go on forever wanting more things and more eye candy. I just hope one day I would be able to Globe Trek and maybe ride a Vespa in a city in Europe. I dream of being a Rescue Worker helping out during Earthquakes, land slides, floods, ship wreck and other emergencies. I'm not sure if that will happen. I don't even know how to make it happen. So I'll keep it in my dream fantasy world in my head where I have all my desires and the world goes around my way.

Forgive me if you see me dazed or maybe laughing and smiling to myself. I am crazy. As everyday in my head another life plays as my world unleashes and I imagine the places and have imaginary friends and meet real people but they respond and think the way i want them to but still like how the sort of would in real life and I communicate with them. It's crazy I know, but I've been like this for as long as I can remember and I have tried so hard to stop because it always makes me smile, laugh and sometimes gesture or mouth out what I say in my world or even act out a little bit here and there. I hate it so much, I can't stop it and I hate that I want so many things. My classmates and schoolmates back in high school thought I could speak to spirits! Although sometimes it's just me thinking out loud and talking to myself, to add to the problem. Part of me wants an ordinary simple life where I will never know all these or have these. It's a complicated brain and thinking I have, I like to have a CAT scan and brain test done someday. I wonder how it'll look like just out of curiosity.

Thanks for even reading, and if you pity me or even have the slightest heart to care, thank you so much, I love you if you do. I'm still looking for friends that understands me completely and like me the way I am without freaking out. Where a self-conscious person like me can feel relaxed. I know God can understand me and love me, completely accepting me... but I need humans too.

With Love,
Marissa a.k.a. Suou Akira

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